Mysterious ways
by itsmimi
Summary: "The force works in mysterious ways." At least that was what General Organa had always told Rey. Rey wishes it would do that, for once, in her personal favour, because as much as she loves her friends, there is something (or someone) missing from her life. (Post TROS, Reylo, kind of fix-it-fic)


_The force works in mysterious ways_.

In the time they had spent together training, both Luke and Leia had mentioned that to Rey. But never did Rey wish for it to be less true than when she had to watch Ben Solo disappear in front of her eyes.

Rey had been dead. And then she was alive.

And then there was a moment in which Rey had been truly happy for the first time, the happiest she had ever been. It was the moment in which relief flooded through her as she realized that Palpatine and the Sith were gone. It was the moment in which she knew her friends had stopped the mass of ships above her. It was the moment she looked at Kylo Ren and realized that he was no more – it was all Ben Solo. It was the moment in which he looked at her with so much admiration that she felt like she was about to implode. It was the moment she wanted to kiss him.

And then she did.

And then he died.

And then Rey had nothing to hold on to, but his black shirt in the dust.

Everything inside her felt unstable, yet she had never felt so sure of herself in her life. Her hands were shaking, Rey noticed, as she clutched his shirt tightly to her chest. But Rey did not cry. It was as if all that happiness had just left a black hole behind, which drained her out from inside.

All the way back to her X-wing a hundred thoughts raced through her head, but not one of them slow enough to catch.

There was so much to process.

Only when Rey sat down behind the steering wheel and turned on the machine, finally knowing that she was somewhere somewhat _safe_, she broke down. Tears ran down her cheeks. All the silent mess around her did not matter, only the one inside her.

The force had given her so much today, yet taken everything she wanted.

The bond she had had with Ben Solo had been something steady to hold on, even when she felt so much anger inside of her that she wanted to rip him apart too. It had saved and destroyed her. Them.

The coms on her helmet cracked. "Is anyone there?" she heard a weak voice call out.

It all wasn't important. She had someone to save.

Rey returned to the rebel's base by throwing herself in her best friend's arms. Her hollow insides were filled with joy again as she saw all the ones she had grown so fond of during her journey. Poe threw an arm around both her and Finn's shoulders and started to talk about celebrating and drinking.

"We already started building camps for the nights and setting up food and drinks next to the millennium falcon!" Poe had found all his hope again and with Finn at his side she suspected he would do a lot more good for the now free galaxy.

But before Rey could try to enjoy the festivities, she had to take a moment to talk to General Leia Organa. She went over to the chamber in which she was told that Leia was set to rest in, only to find out that she had disintegrated as well.

Rey tasted something bitter in her mouth. She had bitten herself in the lip.

Taking a deep breath in a try to gain her composure Rey was approached by a young captain. "I heard you were looking for the General! I am very sorry, Miss… Rey, but during the battle she went to be one with the force. I wondered why she didn't do that immediately, but as she always said: the force works in mysterious ways."

Her fast talking did not distract Rey from the short in front of her name.

Rey Palpatine still sounded so weird in her ears, like a shadow looming over her, reminding her of all the evil temptations she had felt.

She was reminded again why she needed to see Leia. She needed her to talk to about her past, her future, and her son.

"I heard you were really brave", the captain continued. "There are rumors about the lightning, and that you killed Kylo Ren!" She sounded so excited, so hopeful.

It almost ripped Rey apart to answer her. "Yeah, I think I did."

A lot of feelings were dangerously close to resurfacing in that moment, but Rey managed to keep it together.

She would rather have Kylo Ren alive than Ben Solo dead. The thought hit her like a train and for a moment all the air seemed to rush out of her lungs. Love was selfish, she decided. Love hurt. Yet she couldn't imagine it any other way.

"Rey! Come on, where did you go? You have to tell us so much!" Finn's voice pulled her out of her thoughts and she was thankful. Swallowing the emotions, like a Jedi should, Rey smiled and went over to him and Poe.

"I'll tell you some other time. Right now, I am more in for the drinks you were talking about before."

"Roger that!" Poe laughed and led the way towards the hangar.

It was deep in the night when Rey was able to leave all the celebrations behind and sit down on the wing of a spaceship, watching the skies above her. Rey felt a little fuzzy. She was no stranger to certain substances as they were always good on the market of Jakku, but Poe had probably handed her one drink to many.

Was that even allowed for a Jedi? She had no idea.

The quiet and the fresh air calmed her and she allowed herself to think of the previous day again.

Through all of this, Rey had only thought of herself as Rey. She was always looking for her family, or even a family, but at the end of the day, now that all was in the open, the thought of her at the end of a legacy seemed… absurd. She was Rey. She didn't need Palpatine and she didn't need that kind of family.

Still, Rey felt like half of a whole.

Even though she loved her friends deeply, her heart still ached for Han, Luke, Leia – and Ben. Most of all, Ben.

Whether it was their force bond or simple human emotions, it tore Rey apart.

She had had to listen to people celebrating Kylo Ren's death all evening and had no one to talk about what had actually happened.

"_You stand together, you die together_."

And they did. But only one came back.

Rey breathed in deeply. She couldn't let her feelings get the best of her, so she tried to do, what a true Jedi would: she meditated. The force washed through her and Rey realized how long she had tried to keep it out, to keep herself from feeling even more.

_You are not alone_.

Rey jerked up into a sitting position, stretching out her hand ready to face any incoming threat. But there was no threat. There was just a man, standing in brown lumps in front of her ship.

Rey jumped down, eyeing him curiously, even in a slight disbelief, her hand still stretched out in case of a threat.

She approached him cautiously and he didn't move a millimeter. When they were finally face to face, Rey didn't let her hand down, instead watching him in utter disbelief. Their height difference forced her to keep her and up, as she softly touched his cheek to see if it was really him.

"Ben", she whispered, a sob she didn't know she had been holding escaping her. "How?"

He had closed his eyes and leaned towards her hand.

"I don't know. When I died… I saw my mother. She smiled at me. She was… she told me she forgave me. That she finally understood." Rey watched Ben in awe as he whispered to her to story of what happened. It seemed so surreal, so impossible to have him standing here, in front of her.

He took another deep breath as his eyelashes fluttered open. In his eyes she recognized her own emotions. It was confusion, happiness, but also serenity.

"Then she was gone. And I felt like I was being ripped apart, again. When I woke up, I was on Luke's island. I had to repair what was left of my old ship and managed to leave the island. Halfway around the planet I could buy a new one and leave the atmosphere. I was held up helping some kid out of a shipwreck. Still, I just had to come here and find you. If you want me to leave, you can say so, I just-"

Rey didn't let his rambling finish. Instead, she closed the gap between them and hugged him as tight as she could. His warmth and his smell around her washed away any distinct fear she had left that this was not her Ben Solo.

"Do you think she gave her life for yours?"

His hands tightened around her back and she immediately regretted reminding him of another family member probably dying for him.

"I don't know. But whatever it was, she did _something_ for me. Whatever it was, I will not let her sacrifice be in vain."

"The force works in mysterious ways." Rey smiled, and for the first time since he had gone from her it was a genuine smile. As she pulled apart and watched him mirror her expression, she couldn't help but feel the urge to kiss him again.

"So… can you accept me being part of your journey, from now on?" His voice was adequately stern and serious. Rey nodded.

It was the truth, she knew in that moment. She had so much to figure out, so many decisions to make, so many planets to build up again. She was the face of a resistance with the weight of the world on her shoulders.

When she looked at Ben, she felt that he would understand.

"I have a lot to make up for", he continued. "Most of my life I pledged to a cause I did not fully understand. I even knew that if I decided to follow you, I would have to give my life. But I did, without a doubt." He didn't look a hint regretful. "Now, for the first time in my life, I feel… empty. All the voices in my head are quiet. I don't know who I am without this… purpose."

"We can find out." Rey held out her hand. It was symbolism, for all the conversations and fights they had on other sides of the war. But there was no war no more. There was the whole galaxy, just waiting for them. "I have a lot to find out, too."

He took her hand.

"The first thing we have to find out though, is how to tell my friends about… all of this." She grinned. He groaned.

And suddenly the world did not feel so heavy anymore.

**After the movie I had a lot of feelings about everything. I loved it. I hated it. In my head, nothing can separate Rey and Ben. They have a force dryad, and if they don't find each other in this life, they will one day in the force. Still, a lot of shippers have a broken heart that cannot wait, so here I tried to put some sense into the obvious parallel of both Organas disintegrating the same moment.**


End file.
